The summer I was ten, my mom handed me a towering stack of young
adult books she bought at a yard sale. Judy Blume anyone? That summer I
read so many books, by the end of the stack, my parents were begging me
to go outside and close the page. This started a long battle of people
telling me that I was spending too much time on things that made my
heart soar.
The next time it happened was when I begged for a VCR(like a DVD recorder
with giant things called video tapes that you had to rewind for you
young folks). My very cool and generous grandfather gifted me one for
Christmas, and I used it to record hours of television to study scenes
and characters I loved. I played them over and over, and sometimes
edited them into collections of my favorite scenes. I’d rewrite scenes
with endings I preferred. My father grew concerned, and told me I was
ruining my mind with useless TV.
Now, I don’t want to single my
parents out as anything other than concerned and loving. This is
something I think many pre-adults and even later adults hear all the
time. Our interests are a waste, they aren’t important like the list of
X, Y, Z that everyone else finds acceptable that you
should be
doing. There’s a fear behind all of that, how somehow if we’re left to
our own means, we’ll turn catatonic and recite the lyrics to our
favorite boy band while never leaving the family basement.
Many
years later, shortly over two years ago, one day I was discussing the
things I used to love with a friend and it hit me. What I’d always
gravitated toward was getting absorbed in imaginary lives. And guess
what? All those things that were wastes of time, I was still doing! No
matter how many times I replayed in my mind I shouldn’t be doing them,
and they weren’t as valuable as other things.
I’d continued to
create my own fictional worlds over the years, I’d continued to analyze
and study television and movies, and I’d continued to get absorbed into
books- getting my hands on every detail I could for all the above.
The
secret dream I held? To be a writer. I even had the perfect story for
it. But, unfortunately for me, I lacked the confidence and honestly the
skill to make that possible. I had
some skill. Skill that could be improved.
All
I needed was the confidence. I had to face words I’d heard my entire
life, words I’d internalized when perhaps they weren’t meant to be taken
as seriously as I had. This revelation has been a long process, some of
which I’ve touched on in my previous blog posts.
Since then, I’ve
written three short stories, a few chapters to start another two
stories, and close to 165,000 on another book, THE book I set out to
write at the beginning. It’s my baby and still isn’t complete(as many of
those words sit in a virtual recycle bin). But ONE of those short
stories is being published on February 1st.
My brain kicked and
screamed the entire way through the process, telling me I wasn’t good
enough, the story wasn’t honed enough, I was juvenile, silly,
uninteresting, unskilled, and just not ready. But I forced past all of
that, shared it with my group of fellow critiquers, sent it to an
editor, had lots of friends read it, and even sent it to lots of
strangers. And guess what?
Nothing horrible happened! Some are
even telling me they truly enjoyed the story. I’m sure there will be
people along the way that won’t like it. I’m sure some will think some
of the things I mentioned I feared they would. But I did it. I can call
myself an author now! And maybe, just maybe, this will be the push I
need to finish my pet story sometime this year.
Step One: Get over the fear to put my writing out there and learn to be a better writer. COMPLETE
“Missed Kisses” is included in the upcoming “Story of a Kiss Anthology” releasing on Amazon Kindle February 1st.
Struggling
with the recent death of her mother, Jess finds solace in her best
friend Ben. Years of sweet memories cause their feelings to grow, until
he does the one thing that could tear them apart.
via GIPHY
US:
http://amzn.to/1mFdrFl
AU:
http://bit.ly/1mjek5L
CA:
http://amzn.to/1R0QWWi
There will be a thousand kisses in a lifetime but only a handful trapped forever in your heart. This Valentine's day, join The Story of a Kiss anthology as we take you into the lives of thirteen couples. From a very first kiss of a high-school prom queen, to a kiss that travels the width of time. Kisses of redemption, heartache, discovery, and so much more.
Thirteen authors.
Thirteen kisses you'll never forget.
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Taylor Sullivan- Never Regret
At twenty-four, Margaret Andrews is still a virgin and sick of it. After a year on the top dating site in America, and a late night episode of HUNG on HBO, she's decided to take matters into her own hands and hires a professional. 
